I’m going to assume from the fact that you’re even reading this that you obviously keep up with politics in at least some way, shape, or form. So I won’t bother repeating the moronic statement about “not building a business on your own” that President Obama made. It’s been played ad nauseum by every news outlet and pundit on both sides of the aisle today. But if you don’t know what he said, there’s a good chance Google is your home page, so pop over there and look it up. We’ll be here when you get back.
What really rubs me raw is that neither of the two candidates running against him have managed to come up with a decent come back. And the President’s statements practically tee-up Mitt Romney or Gary Johnson to absolutely knock one out of the park here. I mean, hell, I managed to come up with what those responses should be before I finished listening to the first sound byte. But, as per usual, I’ve managed to think faster than the people running for president (it’s a heavy burden to bear), so I present to you the three responses I came up with to the President’s completely idiotic repetition of Elizabeth Warren.
Mitt Romney – “Today, the President says that if you’ve built a business you didn’t do it alone. That there was always someone there to help you along the way. And I’d like to second that sentiment. As someone who has helped business men and woman realize their dream of owning and operating their own business, I can tell you that yes, sometimes they do need a hand up in achieving their goals. I have been that hand up numerous times, and I’m very proud of that fact. I also recognize that it is not a function of the office of the presidency to start businesses, unlike the current administration when it comes to things like Solyndra. And when the president talks about roads, he doesn’t recognize that his job in that matter is to get out of the way of local officials who want to repair their local infrastructure without some federal bureaucrat standing in their way. The same sentiment could be said about education. The one thing standing in the way of all of these reforms are the policies of the Obama administration. And as president, I’ll seek to repair these broken policies starting on day one.”
Gary Johnson – “The President today said that no businessman ever started a business on their own. Well, I would like to point out that I stand before you as an example of a businessman who started on his own. When I struck out on my own back in 1976, the only person I employed was myself. When I sold that business in 1999, it was one of the leading construction companies in New Mexico and employed over 1,000 individuals. The President talked about all of the help that the government gives to help people succeed, such as roads and good teachers. I can tell you that the only way to achieve those things now is to follow the model I advocated in New Mexico. By the end of my time in office, we had implemented a major rebuilding of our infrastructure and school choice was a serious item for debate. In addition to that, I used the power of the veto an unimaginable 750 times, never once raised taxes, and left my state with a budget surplus of over a billion dollars. All while getting government out of the way of the citizen. The President says that to be successful, everyone needs help. I say that the President has no help to offer anyone who wants to be successful.”
Little Ole Me – “Today, the President made an astounding statement. He suggested that, in this day and age, any business that doesn’t use public roads or the internet will fail. I have half a mind to take on his challenge. Which seems to be the part that the President doesn’t understand. Businesses don’t succeed or fail because of the achievements of the past. I’ve never owned a business, but I have watched the man I work for do everything in his power to keep the doors open for the company he built and loved. A few years ago, when the recession hit it’s depths, times were tough for us. We had to work short hours just to make sure that the payroll didn’t bankrupt the company. All the while, my boss ran himself all over the country trying to find new customers and new sources of income just to make sure his business would survive. And I realized that he would have done that whether he was driving on a public road or slashing through an untamed jungle. I pride myself on being good at what I do, but I don’t have a job because of that. I have a job because my boss did what he had to do to keep his business alive. Government never has and never will provide that motivation, and as far as I’m concerned the only thing government can do is get out of the way when someone is so motivated.”
See? Not so hard.